Ah-ha! Here I am!

Welcome to Phase II of my most incredible journey!

After 30-plus years of being obese, I am now living life as an Undercover Fat Girl. :-)

For those who don't know me, you really should check out my first blog to even understand what this new one is all about. http://melissadeaver.blogspot.com/

However, if you are short on time or just don't feel like it, I will give you a brief overview:

After losing 171 or so pounds from gastric bypass surgery just a little over 19 months ago, I am now comfortably living my life as a "normal-size" woman. What does this mean? Well, it means that I blend into society without strangers even knowing that I've ever been super morbidly obese. In fact, it's for that reason that I have created this blog.

I feel like I've been given admission to the VIP Room at the hottest nightclub in town. Don't get me wrong - life was good before and people treated me great. So, it's like I was already lucky enough to be in the exclusive nightclub to start with - but now I've gained access to a whole other level that I didn't even know existed.

I've never been able to wear size small tops or size 8 outfits. I've never had so many men wanting to get that door for me or buy me a drink or take me to dinner in Europe one night. I've never had so many women be cold or bitchy or disapproving in their looks toward me - but then totally warm up when they learn I wore a size 30/32 less than two years ago.

In fact, you cannot imagine the things people (especially men) will say or do when they have no clue you've been a fat chick. I mean, it seems like I am a magnet for totally bone-headed, rude comments about the obese.

For example: I'm standing at my fave bar just people watching. A guy has been checking me out for five minutes. I feel him lurking until he finally gets the courage to come over and chat. It goes something like this:

Him: "Yeah, I got separated from my friends. They're here somewhere."

Me: "Hmmm...that sux."

Him: "You really are gorgeous."

Me: "Thank you. I appreciate that."

Him: "Yeah...there sure a lot of fat girls here tonight."

Me: "So you have a problem with fat women?"

Him: "Oh no. It's just that there's a lot of them here, that's all. You're far from fat though."

Me: *silence* walks off...

Usually when a guy makes a "fat girl" comment, I pull out my ace in the hole and reveal my history. I generally say "Well you picked the wrong woman to say that to since I use to weight 324 pounds."

I do it just to watch the guy stutter and apologize profusely and then go on and on about how incredible they think I look, etc. I am not normally one to put people on the hot seat but, when it comes to fat bashing, I want people to understand that you should never judge a book by its cover, so to speak.

That's why I thought I would share my adventures as I live my life as an undercover fat girl. Why do I call myself that?

Well, the reality is that you can remove the weight, but it's impossible to totally erase a mindset you've had for 30-plus years as someone who has never been a "normal size" person. You are conditioned to view the world differently. You are more sensitive to fat jokes, rude comments about the obese and the disgusted looks you see people give when a big person walks by.

Which brings me to another point - I use the term 'fat' freely, as you can probably tell. I always have. I decided when I was overweight that I refused to give that word undue power by not daring to speak its name. Even though I still only use it as a descriptive word and not a derogatory word, I have learned that I still need to watch saying it now so freely in public. I don't want any plus-size strangers to take offense when it comes out of my mouth now. I never ever want to hurt anyone with my flippant use of a word that does hold a lot of pain for thousands, if not millions.

Anyone that knows me knows that I am all about size acceptance. I will forever work to support and champion the obese of this world. Inside if not outside, I will always be "fat" and I will always have love, compassion and a true connection with other overweight people. I just happened to be a recovering obese person. But, much like alcoholics, once an alcoholic always an alcoholic - even if you are recovering.

I've been asked why I still hold on to a "fat mentality." So many cannot wait to break away and never look back. I've been told I don't have to worry about all that anymore - so let it go. "If I could lose that weight, there's no way I would think like a fat girl again. I would be the hottest woman there is and make everyone pay for how they treated me!"

Well, I think those who achieve significant weight loss and cut their "fat" ties are only setting themselves up for failure.

You cannot go through this drastic change and turn your back on the person inside of you who lived through the pain and frustration and embarrassment. That person is a survivor. That person knows how others suffer so you can in turn be of comfort and a symbol of hope. That person will help you keep it real when the world suddenly loves you more, finds you so sexy and invites you to do things you've never done before and go places you've never been.

My hope is that this blog will show just how the world does change when you experience significant weight loss. I didn't think it could happen to me - someone who was confident and embraced her sensuality as a full-figured woman.

But it did.

Hopefully, I can provide at times a humorous but always thought-provoking look at living life on the flipside. I'd like to be of service in two ways:

1. I think this could help those who are about to live life in a "normal-size" body so they can see what it's like on a regular basis. Since I am more able to keep it in perspective than a lot of women because I am married, maybe it can help them be more prepared for the craziness you encounter. My goal is to cut through the b-s and help people keep it real.

2. To show people who have never been obese how NOT to act. ;-)

I do have a disclaimer in all this: I am a party girl - so I am out on the town more than most. That of course gives me a lot of opportunities to hear crazy stuff from people - especially men trying to hit on me. ;-)

My husband Scott and I don't have children (yet) and we have a very open marriage where we do our own thing most of the time. I love to go dancing, so I am generally out and about on the weekend and sometimes a few nights during the week. So, I did want to stress that my situation isn't typical. But, the good part is that it gives me lots of fodder for this crazy blog.

I have to say that my hubby is very secure in himself and isn't threatened by my drastic change. He has loved me, supported me and found me hot at every single weight I've been. He has no problem with the attention I get, and he actually finds the humor in how many ways men can put their feet in their mouths.

I also have to say that in seeing the smarmy side of humanity, I have also met some wonderful people along the way who truly have been thrilled for me when learning of my achievements. Not every man who hits on me is slimy - so I don't want you to think this is an evil plot for me to set men up and shoot them down.

I genuinely love meeting people and am often flattered by the sweet words and compliments I receive from many. For the record: The ones who do offend me are never baited - they just slither my way on their own accord. ;-)

So, with all this said, let the adventures begin!